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To Love or Not To Love !
There is so much information out there about love and relationships. It’s as if everyone is so afraid of commitment because of the high divorce rate that we have psychoanalyzed love to “make sure” it will work. Articles range from topics such as “How do you know if he/she is the one,” “quick fixes for your relationship,” and “signs you are in love,” to name a few. Ok, we'll find out what love is, and everyone defines it happen!
The information overload is enough to make anyone’s head swim—and even give up on love altogether.
But, what if love is not that complicated? I interviewed couples who have been married 50+ years, and here’s what they say love is:
What is love?
Love is when that person in your life becomes more important than your own life—when you think about that person first, before you think about yourself.
– Jules & Rita—married 55 years
I have no idea what love is. I wish I could be of more help. But, I don’t think about it very much. Love, Grandpa.
P.S. Grandma was no help ether.
– Russ & Marge—married over 65 years
Love is the unselfish-giving of yourself. It means to give of yourself, agape love, unconditionally. Putting the other person first… The longer you are with them the more you love them.
– Paul & Peggie—married 60 years
How did you know you were in love?
We met as a result of a blind date and we liked each other right away. My parents were not that enthusiastic, for Jules had only high school and I had my AA degree. So, Jules went to school and got a degree, so he could support me. Isn’t that love?? We lived two hours driving from each other, and distance in those days…was a problem. We saw each only every six weeks to two months.
– Rita
The questions you ask… people should just take care of each other and do what God says.
– Russ
Paul made an effort to spend time with me. Our relationship endured physical separation. Our relationship continued even though Paul went to Canada to live for two years before we were married. He would go out of his way to spend time together.
– Peggie
Now, not all of these answers are identical, of course. But, a common theme I noticed is that true love is self-sacrificial.
It is practical, not an unobtainable ideal. It is hard, but worthwhile. It requires effort, but reaps lifelong rewards.
It means putting the other first. It means practicing self-denial and foregoing immediate pleasures for long-term goals that ultimately bring lifelong satisfaction. It means showing love with actions instead of falling back on fleeting feelings that change from moment to moment.
It’s less of a feeling, and more of a choice. It’s less thinking, and more doing.
Love is, then, self-sacrifice. As Christ laid down His life for us, so must we lay down our lives for each other. A complete gift of self—love is an image of the cross.
When i search key "you want a relationship?". You have to know how many results are found, 396 million results. OK it shows that they are in need of a relationship, a love, or, more simply, they do not want to be alone.
Do I want a relationship?
Deciding whether to have a boyfriend or girlfriend can be a big decision. When figuring out what you want, it’s important to remember that being single can be an enjoyable time.
If you choose to be single, it might give you more time to do stuff that you want to do, like:
- Hang out with friends
- Focus on school work
- Enjoy extracurricular activities, like learning a new sport or developing new creative skills
Being single can mean you get to find out more about yourself. Not everybody wants to be in a relationship. You might:
- Not feel ready
- Feel independent
- Not be attracted to anyone at the moment
Only you can decide if you want a relationship. It’s alright to take time to decide if a relationship is right for you. In making this decision, you might want to consider what you want from a relationship. Different people want different things.
Some of the qualities of healthy relationships are:
- Honesty
- Intimacy
- Love
- Affection
- Respect
- Communication
- Trust
- Commitment
Am I ready for a relationship?
It’s not unusual to want to be in a relationship; wanting affection and support from a romantic partner is a normal part of developing as a young person. You might find yourself more attracted to men, women, both, or have a preference that falls somewhere less defined on the gender spectrum. You might also still be working it out. There is no pressure or hurry to find someone you like right away. It’s O.K. to take your time. Taking it slow might be hard if you are attracted to someone and you are not sure whether they feel the same way. It takes courage to show someone you are interested in him or her.
I’m attracted. Now what?
It’s important to spend time getting to know the person you’re attracted to. Your first impression might not always be accurate. You can discover more about each other by spending more time together. If you already know the person, it might be a good idea to think about how a romantic relationship might affect the friendship.
How can I start a conversation?
For even the most confident people, starting a conversation with someone you are attracted to can be scary. If you’re attracted to someone, it’s common to be nervous. A great strategy for starting a conversation and getting to know a person better is by asking casual questions and allowing them to elaborate on their answers. Some examples would be like:
- What else do you have planned for today?
- What’d you do over the weekend?
- What do you like to do for fun?
Along with asking questions and talking about yourself, it might also be helpful to let the person know you are listening to him or her. Here are some tips to let others know you’re listening:
- Ask questions to get a better understanding of what the person has been talking about
- Say what you think, feel or sense about what he or she has said
- Repeat in your own words what he or she has been saying
Here are some tips on how to let others know you’re listening:
- Ask questions to get a better understanding of what the person has been talking about
- Say what you think, feel or sense about what he or she has said
- Repeat in your own words what he or she has been saying
What if they don’t like me back?
It can be hard when you realize that a person you’re interested in doesn’t feel the same way. You might feel rejected, embarrassed or sad. Try to remember the good qualities about yourself, the interests that you enjoy, and the positive things in your life. Talking to someone you can trust can also be helpful. Try talking to a friend or family member. If you’re finding that your feelings are getting in the way of doing everyday stuff, it may be helpful to talk to someone like a counselor. Check out the Get Help section for more information about how professionals can help.
Dating safely
If you’re starting to meet people online, or are hanging out with new people in person, be aware of giving out personal details, like where you live or your phone number. If you do decide to meet someone you don’t know, try to do it in a place where other people are around. It might also be a good idea to have a friend nearby for support. Some people are dishonest and might give you false information or try to exploit you.
It’s important to remember that there is no right time or age to start a relationship. What’s more important if figuring out what’s right for you.
When i search key "are you lonely ?". You have to know how many results are found, 103 million results. Oh, nor singular right.
Are You Lonely?
Many years ago, when I was a young girl, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.
This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?
There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?
- A feeling of having no common bond with the people around you
- Feeling disconnected from others
- Feeling sad because there is no one else available to be with you
- Feeling uncomfortable being by yourself
- Feeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about you
- Being without friends or a companion
- Feeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with you
- Feeling abandoned
- Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
- Feeling left out
- Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself
You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?
To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”
Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need them.
Anyway You have made their decision in the love. I hope, your life is always beautiful, you will find that your path is not alone anymore. Divine love will always be with you.
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